[ Ulaf Silchov is an expert in video games and computers. He also writes for “Svadlost Weekly” and “The Aquarian Underworld Circular” ]

GREETINGS MY THE VIDEO GAME FRIENDS. THIS WORDS MARK THE STARTING OF A NEW WRITINGS BY ULAF WHERE YOUR MINDS ASK THE QUESTIONS OF YOUR MINDS TO ULAF AND MY MINDS ANSWERS THE QUESTIONS OF YOUR MINDS. LET US START THE FUN MACHINE AND TRAVEL.

QUESTIONS NUMBER ONE

Dear Ulaf,

When I play the video games, I keep hitting the buttons and getting the no response from the video games console. Can you tell me more about how to play the video games?

Allison84

ACH. ULAF HATE THE NO RESPONSE FROM THE VIDEO GAMES. THE PLAYING OF THE VIDEO GAMES IS HARD TO ACHIEVE SOMETIME. MY MIND FINDS IT DIFFICULTY WHEN UPON THE POWER OF THE VIDEO GAMES, THE VIDEO GAMES WORKING POORLY AND ONLY HALF PLAY FOR ULAF. BUT ONCE AND IF THE VIDEO GAMES STARTS THE WORKING, YOUR MIND REQUIRES KNOWLEDGE OF THE MANIPULATION OF THE CONTROL MATRIX.

EVERY THE VIDEO GAME ENCLOSES BUTTONS TO FORCE UPON IN CONCERT WITH BLIPPER LINES ON THE SCREENS YOU WATCH WITH THE EYEBALL. THIS BUTTONS IS CALL THE CONTROL MATRIX. WHEN YOUR MIND PRESS SUCH BUTTONS ON SUCH MATRIX, IT GRANTED YOUR MIND ACCESSORIES TO THE VIDEO GAMES PSYCHIC PLEASURE PARTS. THIS, IN SMALL PANTS, LIES MOSTLY HOW TO PLAY THE VIDEO GAMES. NEXT LIES HOW TO BEAT THE VIDEO GAMES AND YOUR MIND READS ABOUT THAT IN ANOTHER COLUMNS FROM BACK IN TIME. ULAF HOPE THIS IS HELP FOR PERSONS #84.

QUESTIONS NUMBER TWO

Ulaf, your columns are great, but why do you always type in CAPITAL LETTERS?

– SilentSliver

SILVER ASK GREAT QUESTION. IN MY MIND’S HOME COUNTRY OF UKRAINE, THERE LIES NO SUCH DIFFERENCE AS “CAPITALIST” AND “UN-CAPITALIST” WORDPARTS. ALL TYPEMACHINES ENCLOSE ONLY LARGE GLYPHS WORTHY OF THE HITTING HARD WITH FIST, LIKE AXE, OR PLUNGING SWIFTLY WITH KRELBS. SOMETIME IN MY HOMEWORLD, WHEN MY PEOPLES TYPE, THEY TAKE THE RUNNING START AND DIVED HEADLONG INTO MACHINES, POUNDING WORDPARTS UPON PAPER SO FIERCELY THAT MY MIND CAN READ THE CAPITALIST WORDPARTS FROM OUTERS PLACE. ULAF DID BROKEN MANY COMPUTER IN THIS FASHION. BUT THIS MEANS BECOMES THE WAY OF MY PEOPLES, AND MY PEOPLES CANNOT MODIFY THE CAPITALIST URGE DEEPLY ENGRAINED IN THEIR NATURES.

QUESTIONS NUMBER THREE

Sup. My girlfriendz poppa just give me $50 for my 14th bertday. Since UR such and expert on games, Im wundering which o theez to buy: Atari 2600 or Atari 5200. Wut do u think, big U-man?

XPlaya-ReggieX

FINALLY. SOMEONE WHO THINK AND WRITE LIKE ULAF. THE ANCIENTS MESOPOTAMIAN CITIES OF UR WAS INDEED A GREAT CAPITALS OF THE VIDEO GAMES BUT THESE FACTOID SHOULD NOT EVER BE THE INFLUENCE UPON YOUR MINDS IN THE PURCHASING OF THE VIDEO GAMES. UR AS A PEOPLES IS LONG MELTED AWAY INTO BACKWARDS TIMELANDS. ULAF LIES HERE NOW TO DO THE HELPING.

ATARIS 2600 THE VIDEO GAMES FEELS ONE OF THE BESTER TYPES OF ELECTRO MACHINES THAT MAKE SOUND BLIPS AND GORP SPLEE ON THE TELEVIDEO SCREENS OF THIS GRAND AMERICA PLACE. IT AS A MACHINE TAKE MANY SMALLER THE VIDEO GAMES TO PLACE INTO THE LARGER THE VIDEO GAMES BUT THIS NATURE CONFUSE ULAF MADDENLY, SO THAT AS TO MY MIND STOPS. ULAF RECOMMEND HIGHLY RUNNING FARTHER AND QUICKER AWAY FROM SUCH THE VIDEO GAMES AS SUCH THE VIDEO GAMES ONLY LEAD TO THE CONFUSIONING OF YOUR MIND. ONCE SUCH THE VIDEO GAMES WAS THE FAVORITES OF ULAF, NOW CRIES ULAF, “DEEP BETRAYAL.”

ATARIS 5200 WAS ONCE KNOWINGLY UPON THE LAND AS THE GREATEST OF ALL THE VIDEO GAMES. IT DOES THE PLAYING OF THE VIDEO GAMES WITH MASTERFUL PRECISIONS AND TIBERIAN GOOSELIKE QUALITIES. ULAFS FAVORITE THE VIDEO GAME ON SUCH MACHINES WAS CALL “CONTROL MATRIX SMASH.” UPON WHEN THE CONTROL MATRIX NOT DOES THE PLAYING TO PURPOSELY FRUSTRATED YOUR MIND, YOUR MIND SMASHED THE CONTROL MATRIX UPON HEAVY STONES, CAUSING THE SEVERE CRACKAGE. IT LIES UNFORTUNATE THAT YOUR MIND MUST COME TO GREAT EXPENSE TO PLAY THESE GAME BECAUSE IT REQUIRE THE NEW CONTROL MATRIX UPON EACH PLAY WHICH ARE RICH TO ACQUIRE.

STILL. IF ULAF WAS XPLAYA-REGGIEX, MY MIND WOULD SAVOR THE CURRENCY KINDLY GRANTED BY YOUR GIRLFRIENDS POPPER AND INVESTING IN NEW MAGIC SPELL CHECKERS. A WIZARD YOUR MIND IS NOT.

YOUR MIND SHOULD ASK ULAF

DO YOU HAVE A THE QUESTIONS FOR ULAF? IF SO, YOUR MIND CAN CONNECT TO MY MIND HERE.

THANK YOU FOR READING MY PERSONS. THIS IS ALL FOR NOW. UNTIL NEXT TIME THIS IS ULAF SAYING BE THE MASTER.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 4th, 2007 at 1:49 pm and is filed under Gaming History, Humor, Ulaf Silchov. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.