Ulaf Silchov, our resident Ukranian computer and video game expert, recently decided to volunteer as the human control in a recent Turing test conducted at the University of Reading in the UK.

The only problem? Everyone thought he was a computer.

Here is an excerpt of one of his conversations with a judge:

Judge: Hi, I’m Cathy.

Entity: CATHY! THE NAME OF A WOMANS.

Judge: Yes, I’m a woman.

Entity: WHAT IS A WOMANS, REALLY? BUT A MANS WITH THE UNSTOPPABLE THIRST FOR KRELBS.

Judge: Right. What is your name?

Entity: WHAT IS YOUR NAMES?

Judge: I’m Cathy, remember?

Entity: THAT IS NOT A REAL NAMES.

Judge: Yes, it is. At least where I come from. What is your name?

Entity: ULAF HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE NAMES ULAF IN UKRAINE, BUT FRIENDS CALL ULAF “ULAF” FOR SHORTS IN SVADLOST.

Judge: Nice name. Are you from either area?

Entity: THE AREA OF A TRIANGLES BECOMES THE HYPOTENUSE…ULAF FORGET.

Judge: Uh huh. How could you forget something so important?

Entity: NO, ULAF NOT IMPORTENT. ULAF HAVE AT LEAST 3.5 CHILDRENS (ONE HALF SIZED).

Judge: That’s a very personal issue. What’s your specialty?

Entity: ULAF FORGET TO ASK WHERE EITHER OF YOUR MINDS ARE FROM.

Judge: The universe and you?

Entity: ULAF, ALSO, BECOMES FROM THE STUFF OF STARS, AS THE MIND OF CARLOS SAGAN ONCE TOLD.

Judge: Do you have any hobbies?

Entity: NO TIMES TO TALK NOW, RUSSIANS KARUMPING ON THE DOOR OF ULAF. REMEMBER, THIS IS ULAF SAYING, “BE THE MASTER.” *END TRANSMISSION*

Judge: I’m still here.

Despite what you may think, Newsbits is not dead. It just needs more fiber.

Recent News

• The RetroN 5 Launching June 6th (Today!) in the US
  (Source: Destructoid)

  Hope it works as advertised.

  This thing is a beast, supporting NES, Famicom, SNES, Super Famicom, Genesis, Mega Drive, Game Boy, Game Boy Color, and GBA cartridges. All of that, with 720p output via HDMI and original controller support.

• Wii U plugs first DS game into Virtual Console in Japan

  Once upon a time, Nintendo frowned strongly upon emulation. Now its business model depends on it. Oh, how times have changed.

  Puzzle-poser Brain Age is the first DS game to arrive on Wii U Virtual Console, and it’s out now in Japan for free until June 30.

• Unearthed E.T. Atari games will be curated by New Mexico space museum and then sold
  (Source: Polygon)

  A unique situation where one of these games in unopened, mint condition could be worth far less than one crushed and buried in a landfill for 30 years.

  Seven hundred of the 1,300 E.T. and other Atari cartridges recovered from a New Mexico landfill will be appraised, certified and put up for sale, the Alamogordo City Commission decided this week.

• The Verge Publishes Rarely-Seen Photos of Apple’s 1980s Prototype Case Designs
  (Source: The Verge)

  Incredible photos of early 1980s Apple products that never were

  Some of its earliest and most iconic designs, however, didn’t actually come from inside of Apple, but from outside designers at Frog. In particular, credit goes to Frog’s founder, Hartmut Esslinger, who was responsible for the ‘Snow White’ design language.

• Watching kids trying to figure out how to use an old Apple II is totally hilarious
  (Source: Cult of Mac)
  

  This video of children from the ages of 6 to 13 trying to figure out how to work a vintage Apple II … shows just how inexplicable computing was to pretty much everyone before Steve Jobs released the original Mac in 1984.

• Modder Stuffs a Raspberry Pi into a Game Boy Pocket
  (Source: Hackaday)

  This is one of the most amazing mods I’ve ever seen

  After sanding down the bosses on the inside of the case, gluing the battery door shut, and installing a bit of plastic over the cartridge slot, WarriorRocker was able to fit a Raspi inside. The buttons use the same PCB as the stock Game Boy, connected to a Teensy 2.0 board that simulates a USB keyboard.

• Exhibiting .gifs: An Interview with curator Jason Eppink
  (Source: The Signal)

  Wonder if they know about Retro GIF of the Week

  Jason recently curated ‘The Reaction GIF: Moving Image as Gesture,’ which exhibits a set of GIFs he identified in consultation with redditors.

Cool Links

• Where Have You Gone, Peter Norton?
  (Source: Technologizer)

  A look back at the PC utility guru’s career by Harry McCracken at the newly-reborn Technologizer

  Norton’s empire grew to include multiple software products, articles (including a long-running PC Magazine column), and books. He was everywhere that PCs were. And then, in 1990, he sold Peter Norton Computing to Symantec, which made the Norton line of software even more successful.

• Wolfenstein game graphics, 1992 vs 2014
  (Source: Twitter)

  A million more pixels, but the jaw remains the same

• The Most 90s Thing That Could Ever Exist
  (Source: The Atlantic)
  

  The zeitgeist summed perfectly in one technological artifact, which is a VHS tape promoting Windows 95, starring Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry.

• Total Chaos is the Best-Looking Doom II Mod You’ve Ever Seen
  (Source: PCGamer)

  More like a “GZDoom mod,” but still very impressive.

  Total Chaos doesn’t run on the Doom 2 engine from 1993 proper, but a modified version of the original source code that brings in OpenGL, mouse looks and other features like 16x motion blur, high resolution textures, 3D models, and bloom effects.

• The Secret History of Hypertext
  (Source: The Atlantic)
  

  Historians of technology often cite Bush’s essay as the conceptual forerunner of the Web. And hypertext pioneers like Douglas Engelbart, Ted Nelson, and Tim Berners-Lee have all acknowledged their debt to Bush’s vision. But for all his lasting influence, Bush was not the first person to imagine something like the Web.

• The Woman Behind Apple’s First Icons
  (Source: Priceonomics)

  …and Windows 3.0 to XP’s Solitaire cards! (I did an interview with her about that once, gotta find it.)

  For many, Susan Kare’s icons were a first taste of human-computer interaction: they were approachable, friendly, and simple, much like the designer herself. Today, we recognize the little images — system-failure bomb, paintbrush, mini-stopwatch, dogcow — as old, pixelated friends.

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Ugh. The Performa Era.

The Performa line originated as a way for Apple to expand retail availability of its then-waning Mac platform. They did so by re-branding a number of existing Mac models with the Performa name (plus some numbers that didn’t make much sense).

The Performa line’s commercial availability coincided almost exactly with Apple’s darkest era, 1992-1997, when sales dramatically declined, market share dropped, the company was generally mismanaged and unfocused, Macs had 10 different names for the same model, and Classic OS was getting long in the tooth.

I remember seeing a few Performa models for sale at Sears as a teenager and thinking, “Wow, they still make Macs?” Then I tried one out, and the OS was barely different from the Mac SE I’d last used in 1987 — some 6 years earlier — and it liked to crash a lot. It was a depressing time to be Apple. Whatever happened to that company, anyway?

Discussion Topic of the Week: What was the first model of Macintosh you ever owned?

It’s the Commodore 64. ‘Nuff said.

I’ve covered the Commodore 64 quite a bit over the years, including taking one apart for PC World back in 2008 and spending a week working with one in honor of its 30th anniversary in 2012.

But I don’t think I’ve ever posted a plain ‘ole ad for the Commodore 64 itself. Until now, that is. Here’s a colorful one that graced the back of many computer magazine issues back in 1983.

Discussion Topic of the Week: When did you first get a Commodore 64? Tell us the story.

Since I missed last week’s column, I decided to fold some of those links into this week’s edition. So there may be a few older newsbits, but at least they’re still interesting.

Recent News

• 2300 Console Games Now Playable on Internet Archive

  ‘Ole pal Jason Scott writes about the sudden influx of games playable on the Internet Archive website

  For the last couple of weeks I’ve been working with a range of volunteers on a massive expansion of what we call the Console Living Room at the Internet Archive. Previously weighing in at about 800 game cartridges from seven console systems, the new collection is roughly 2300 cartridges and a total of 21 different consoles.

• George R. R. Martin Writes Using WordStar 4.0 in MS-DOS

  I’m not surprised. To avoid distractions, I sometimes write using Word 6.0 for DOS on a Compaq Aero 4/25 laptop.

  The ‘Game of Thrones’ author confessed to late-night talk-show host Conan O’Brien that he prefers to write his popular books on a DOS word processor instead of the latest laptop.

  ‘I hate some of these modern systems where you type a lower case letter and it becomes a capital letter. I don’t want a capital. If I wanted a capital, I would have typed a capital. I know how to work the shift key.’

• Nintendo Forces Takedown of GBA Emulator for iOS

  From the not-very-surprising department

  In order to play titles like Super Mario and Zelda on your iPhone, then, you have to look at unofficial alternatives. GBA4iOS was one of the most popular — but after its creators received a DMCA notice from Nintendo this week, it is no more.

• Analogue Interactive’s $499 NES Clone Up for Pre-Order

  TinyCartridge reports on this fancy console with a healthy grain of salt mixed in. (Memories of Generation NEX still make me shudder.)

  Analogue has opened pre-orders for its Nt, the Famicom/NES device with RGB output, four controller ports, and purported ‘unparallelled'” compatibility with American and Japanese games and accessories.

• New Book About How Sega Nearly Won the Console Wars

  Chris Kohler provides an overview of Console Wars: Sega, Nintendo and the Battle That Defined a Generation.

  If a few small things had changed, might we be gaming on a Sega PlayStation right now? That’s the picture Blake Harris paints in his new book Console Wars. It is a narrative history of the brief time period in the lifespan of the videogame publisher Sega when it was on top of the world.

• Midway Planned HD Remakes of Mortal Kombat Games

  I would have really loved to see this

  With the [ Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection], Midway’s initial plan was to release HD remakes of the original games with new actors, and even though that’s not what happened in the end, these images with Liu Kang, Sonya, Shao Kahn and the others show that the remakes would have been quite faithful to the original

Cool Links

• The Last Survivors of Meridian 59

  A rare examination of obscure Internet game culture from a mainstream publication (The New Yorker)

  Today, almost eighteen years after Meridian 59’s launch, Barloque’s streets are quiet and vacant, its cobblestones buffed and rounded by little more than a digital breeze. They are rarely visited by more than twenty people in the world at any one time.

• The Great Works of Software

  Paul Ford muses about a software canon

  Is it possible to propose a software canon? To enumerate great works of software that are deeply influential—that changed the nature of the code that followed?

• How Steve Wozniak Wrote BASIC for the Original Apple From Scratch

  Woz himself writes for Gizmodo, re: BASIC 50th anniversary

  The problem was that I had no knowledge of BASIC, just a bare memory that it had line numbers from that 3-day high-school experience. So I picked up a BASIC manual late one night at HP and started reading it and making notes about the commands of this language. Mind that I had never taken a course in compiler (or interpreter) writing in my life.

• How Sega is Rejuvinating its Classic Games in 3D

  I’m not sure if “rejuvenating” is the right word here, but I welcome Sega dipping into the past

  Few games have had as much attention lavished upon them as the Sega 3D Classics series. The first wave of titles was released between November and December of last year, in pairs over four successive weeks.

• Super Mario Bros. Level Belt (Etsy)

  Incredible artistry — an entire Super Mario Bros. level crafted into a leather belt

  The images are of a belt that I crafted for my brother, who is a big Super Mario fan, and depicts the last level of Super Mario brothers where Mario finally rescues the princess.

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His missing tooth is a hanging chad

I found this in my old collection of Mad magazines. In 1991, computer viruses were relatively novel — although I did lose all of my early BBS data to a malicious virus just one year later (see the story in that link).

Discussion Topic of the Week: Have you ever had a computer virus that wiped some or all of your data?

How does he see… WITHOUT EYES. More like eye of the not-beholder, am I right?

Eye of the Beholder (1991) took the formula of Dungeon Master formula and ran with it, resulting in one of the best the first-person real-time RPGs of the pre-3D era. It’s definitely one of the best early VGA games for the IBM PC as well.

As far as games of this category go, I’m quite partial to Lands of Lore myself.

Discussion Topic of the Week: What’s your favorite first-person RPG game of the 1990s?

Recent News

• See Atari’s Buried Treasure: E.T. Among 30 Retro Games Unearthed In The Desert
  I never thought I’d live to see the day

  “The legend was true, but that’s not all. Atari buried a lot of stuff back in 1983–and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

• Andy Warhol’s Amiga Computer Art Found 30 Years Later
  Always felt Amiga + Warhol was one of the more bizarre partnerships in computer history

  “The Andy Warhol Museum has recovered a set of images, doodles, and photos created by the seminal pop artist on a Commodore Amiga home computer. The artworks, made by Warhol as part of a collaboration with Commodore Amiga, had been stranded on Amiga floppy disks for almost twenty years after the artist saved them in the mid-1980s.

• ICHEG Preserves Atari Coin-Op Divisions Collection
  It gives me great mental relief to know someone is doing this so well and so thoroughly

  “ICHEG has acquired a massive collection of materials chronicling the history of Atari’s pioneering video arcade and pinball machine divisions from 1972 to 1999. The collection represents the largest and most comprehensive assemblage of archival records and other documentary items related to Atari’s coin-operated games anywhere in the world.

• Bob Hoskins, Actor Who Played Mario, Dead at 71
  Now both live-action Marios are gone

  “Bob Hoskins, the pugnacious British actor known for playing gangsters, tough guys and working-class gentlemen in such films as ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit,’ ‘The Long Good Friday’ and ‘Mermaids,’ has died, publicist Clair Dobbs said Wednesday.

• Fifty Years of BASIC, the Programming Language That Made Computers Personal
  Harry McCracken’s epic study of BASIC on its 50th

  “Once upon a time, knowing how to use a computer was virtually synonymous with knowing how to program one. And the thing that made it possible was a programming language called BASIC.

• A Short History of BASIC, as Told in Animated GIFs
  An animated supplement to McCracken’s BASIC story above

  “I used a neat program called Camtasia and some post-processing in Photoshop to create animated GIFs capturing what I saw as I loaded some significant BASIC programs, listed the code and then ran it.

• Sony Quietly Removes Ability to Download PSP/PS One Games Unlocked a Few Days Ago on PS Vita
  An update to last week’s Vita story

  “A few days ago we reported about Sony suddenly unlocking a large amount of PSP games and PlayStation Classics for download and play on the PS Vita. Unfortunately its time to mourn, as that ability was quietly removed this morning. None of those games is available for download anymore.

• Atari Landfill Tweet from Scott Weinberg

  “My generation buried those E.T. Atari cartridges for a reason. You’re awakening something not even Lovecraft could imagine.

Cool Links

• Jim and Charlie Gerrie’s Basic Game Programs and Other Software for the TRS-80 MC-10
  The underrated MC-10 gets some programming love
• “Drunk Hunt” NES Cartridge Flask

  “We wanted our product to look and feel exactly like the game cartridges we grew up with, and then BAM SUPRISE! it holds your favorite real-life health potion. Amiright? Amiright?

• A Game Boy That Looks Like It Could Survive Ten Thousand Years
  Kotaku’s Plunkett examines a neat Game Boy mod

  “Vadu Amka’s ‘Brick’ work turns an old Game Boy into a brick wall from the Zelda series.

• L.E.D. Zeppelin Photo
  Amusing promotional tweet from Atmel

  “And for their next hit, L.E.D. Zeppelin presents ‘DI’Yer Maker!’

• BBEdit on System 6 on a Galaxy Note 3
  Twitter user @bergmayer hooked up an original Mac mouse and keyboard too

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Multitasking in the early days.

Ah, the IBM 3270 PC. What a strange beast. It was essentially an IBM PC that could also emulate an IBM 3270 terminal, which allowed it to link up to IBM mainframes. In a sense, this was IBM’s version of the AppleLine protocol adapter (featured in a Retro Scan a few weeks ago), albeit one built into an IBM PC.

By the way, look at the keyboard on this machine. Function keys galore. I’ve always wanted one of those.

Discussion Topic of the Week: Have you ever used an IBM mainframe computer?

Recent News

• Seattle Retro Gaming Expo 2014
  Saturday, June 28, 2014 at 10:00 AM – Sunday, June 29, 2014 at 5:00 PM (PDT) in Seattle, WA

  “The Seattle Retro Gaming Expo is an organization dedicated to creating a network of gamers in the Seattle area, and providing outlets for us to express our passion for all facets of the geek culture in general, and classic videogames in particular.

• Richard Garriott Holds Contest to Resurrect his Teletype-era RPG; Ends May 15
  Hit the link for a BASIC source printout — and a smidgen of self-aggrandizement

  “D&D #1 represents one of the earliest known computer role playing games. Originally created and refined between the years 1975-1977, this game is one of the few true founding efforts of the entire computer gaming genre. Interestingly the ascii based tile graphics are a clear forerunner of what followed in Ultima and many other computer role playing games, and thus remains relevant to the genres history.

• Nintendo Game Boy Turns 25 (The Onion)

  “Lets just call it what it really was: a Tetris delivery system.

• Almost Every PlayStation Classic and PSP Game Now Downloadable on PS Vita
  They perfectly emulate the two minutes of introductory logo screens too

  “In a rather sudden turn of events, almost every PlayStation Classic and PSP game on Sony’s SEN marketplace is now downloadable on the PS Vita including those that previously weren’t available on Sony’s portable console.

• Super Mario Bros. 3 Released on Wii U and 3DS Virtual Console
  Sixth time is the charm.

  “Jump, swim, and fly through one of the most beloved Super Mario Bros. games of all time on the Nintendo 3DS and Wii U systems!

• NES Remix 2 Launches For Wii U April 25
  With Super Luigi Bros., Nintendo makes an unconscious nod to ROM hackers

  “NES Remix 2 also features two exciting new modes. Super Luigi Bros. stars our nervous hero, Luigi, and dares players to beat each level of the original Super Mario Bros. backward! The other new mode has you trying for high scores in three rapid-fire levels from different NES games, using a scoring system inspired by the 1990 Nintendo World Championships.

• Retro Platformer Cave Story Coming to 3DS in Europe on May 1
  Loved it on the Wii

  “It’s happening! Cave Story comes to Europe on the Nintendo 3DS eShop May 1st, 2014!

Cool Links

• The History of Technology, as Told in Wacky British Pathe Newsreels
  These ancient computer videos should keep you busy for a while

  “In an inventive, generous act, British Pathe has uploaded its entire collection of 85,000 pieces of footage from vintage newsreels to YouTube. I pulled up some choice bits relating to computers — especially how they got used to automate practically everything in the 1960s.

• If Sega Made Easter Eggs
  Clever Eggman art
• See Pac-Man Rendered in Physical 3D Space
  Demo for the “voLumen” rotating 3D display. Check out 1:34 for Pac-Man in the video and 2:34 for a shout-out to Super Mario Bros.
• Sex Sells — Even on the Moon
  Either the best or most sexist arcade video game flier ever made, circa 1981. Remarkable for what it says about the arcade vending audience at the time (probably not safe for work)
• Street Fighter II: What Did Critics Say in 1992?
  Neat review roundup from Defunct Games

  “Not only was it the biggest arcade game around, but it forced every other publisher to come up with their own fighting game. Could this Super NES game possibly live up to the hype? To find the answer to this question, we decided to look through the pages of Electronic Gaming Monthly, GamePro, N-Force, Super Play and other magazines of the era.

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If you want me to include something on a future Newsbits column, send me an email with “[Newsbits]” in the subject line.