After seeing what Bentley Bear is capable of, I’m not really sure if I want his “tip.”

[ From Electronic Games Magazine, December 1983 ]

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It’s that time again folks — time for another Retro Scan of the Week caption contest! This will be our third contest. Our last was in October of 2006 and our first was a few months before in August. Here’s how it works:

Anyone out there may enter the contest (multiple times is fine by me) by writing a comment on this post. Simply write the best (i.e. funniest) caption you can think of for the image above. The winning caption will be selected by me and glorified before the whole world as the best caption ever. But of course, it’s not really about winning; it’s about the self-satisfaction you’ll gain by entertaining your peers and the joy of participating in a community event.

So join in the fun. Let’s see what you guys can come up with for this one. Study the image carefully and use every detail to your advantage.

If you use this image on your site, please support “Retro Scan of the Week” by giving us obvious credit for the original scan and entry. Thanks.

In the heart of every Atari, whether it be a computer or a game system, is nothing more than a glorified calculator. But chances are that it doesn’t have a durable folding case or “32 step auto recall.”

I bought this Atari calculator a few years ago as a curiosity. I always wanted one back when I was an Atari freak in the early ’90s. It remains as you see it, within its creased blister pack. It’s so much more fun to look at than to use, especially since a dead llama could cough up the equivalent in terms of capability these days. And unfortunately, the only game you could play on this Atari is typing in “1134” and turning it upside down for a laugh.

Anybody else have an Atari calculator out there? Tell us about it!

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Straight from the cover of the December 1983 issue of Electronic Games comes this bountiful bunch of Christmas game goodies. There’s lots of stuff crammed in here — video game cartridge “multiplexers,” joysticks and joystick accessories, a classic Commodore monitor, a special video game desk, an infamous robot, and even some handheld Nintendo products!

So, how many products in this picture can you name?

Whomever names the most specific product models that appear in the picture above gets to be VC&G’s 2006 Game Elf of the Year!

Ok, so I just made that up. Still, give it your best shot in the comments below. Now, on to our next item:

Dear Santa,

I would like Ms. Pac-Man, Centipede, Phoenix, Vanguard, Jungle Hunt, Kangaroo, Dig Dug, Galaxian, Pole Position, Battlezone, and Moon Patrol for Christmas. I would also like the ATARI 5200 (TM) Super-System (The world’s most advanced video game system), the ATARI 2600 (TM) System (The world’s most popular video game system), the ATARI 5200 TRAK-BALL (TM) Controller (For the real arcade touch. Plays more TRAK-BALL (TM) compatible games than anyone else), the ATARI VCS (TM) Cartridge Adapter (Lets your 5200 play every game made for ATARI game systems), and the ATARI TRAK-BALL (TM) Controller (For real arcade action on the ATARI 2600 (TM) System, Sears Video Arcade System and all ATARI Home Computers).

That’s all.

Sincerely,
Tommy L. Speddleman

P.S. Send me hardware and software, not underwear!

[ Scanned from Electronic Games, December 1983. Special thanks to McPhail Hunt for donating this issue. ]

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Ah, the venerable Action 52 cartridge, long the butt of video game jokes everywhere. This cartridge was probably some greedy bastard’s idea of a get-rich-quick scheme in the video game world: throw together 52 crappy, buggy, quickly developed “games” into one cartridge and sell it for $79-99 (originally $200!) a pop. Needless to say, Active Enterprises didn’t last long. These days, the NES version of the Action 52, while containing some of the worst video games of all time, is also one of the most sought-after carts by collectors due to its rarity. And the Genesis version isn’t any better, by the way.

My question to you is: did anybody actually have an Action 52 cart (NES or Genesis) back in the day? If so, what are your memories of it? Did you like The Cheetahmen?

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Sensationalist journalism in a 1984 consumer computer magazine? Nah.

This scan is from a May 1984 article in Personal Computing by Craig Zarley titled “The Pleasures and Perils of Computing at Home.” The article’s main angle focuses on the numerous computer advertisements of the day that pictured an excited, wide-eyed family huddled around a computer while collectively enthralled by whatever is happening on the screen. First-time computer buyers got a rude awakening, however, when they took their new machines home and instead found most of the family competing for personal time with the “new family member.”

Anyone who grew up with a sibling and not enough computers to go around can attest to this phenomenon, yet I find it funny that Personal Computing turned it into the cover article of a magazine. This means that either consumer-level personal computers were so new at the time (and they were) that issues like this seemed novel, or else the magazine was really desperate for material. Perhaps the correct answer lies somewhere between both extremes.

Still, I love those old “family” ads, even if they are unrealistic.

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