Halloween is only four days away, and if you haven’t chosen your costume already, you’re screwed. Luckily, VC&G is here to help (once again) with 13 fresh last-minute costume ideas.

Through this article, things you will see. Other places. The future…the past. Old friends long gone.* Regardless of the vintage, each of these costumes is guaranteed to get you candy or your money back. Did I mention this is the fifth entry of this longstanding VC&G tradition? Most excellent.**

* Modified Yoda quote.
** Unmodified Bill & Ted quote.

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SOME PEOPLES ASK ULAF THIS: HOW IS IT THAT MY MIND CAN CAPTURE THE SPEED? TO WHICH ULAF RESPAWN A SIMPLE WORDS: WITH THE SPEEDBOARDS OF COURSE. IT IS TRUE THAT THE SPEED OR THE BOARDS HAVE BEEN HARDEST TO TAME OF ALL ELEMENTS, SO THE MAGIC OF THESE DEVICE CANNOT BE UNDERSTOOD.

SO THEN ALWAYS RECALL THIS DAY THAT HERE YOUR MIND SEES THIS SPEEDBOARDS PHOTOGRAPHY, ONE PICTURES OF THAT ULTIMATE MASTER DEVICES FOR THE NINTENDO ENTRAPMENT SYSTEM (NES FOR ABBREVIATED). ULAF USE IT AND USE IT, THEN OBTAIN HIGHEST SCORE EVER DURING MEGA MEN II WITH FINGERTIPS. NO SMALL FEET.

JUST A QUICK NOTE FROM MY MIND. GO BACK TO LIFE NOW. UNTIL NEXT TIME THIS IS ULAF SAYING BE THE MASTER.

—

Ulaf Silchov is an expert in video games and computers. He also writes for “Svadlost Weekly” and “The Almost Perfect Circle Newsletter.”

The pagan god manifests in many forms, demanding a tribute of small children.

This image is part of a two-page double-sided fold out ad attached to the back cover of Home PC magazine. Its main subject was not actually Microsoft Bob, but a Micron P75 PC (click there to see that page).

Microsoft designed Bob (1995) to serve as a friendly graphical interface and operating environment for beginners, but the product flopped mightily and has since become a tech punchline.

Speaking of Bob, my buddy Harry McCracken has written more about Microsoft Bob than any other living human being on the planet. A good place to start would be his Bob Chronicles, which talks about the origins and history of Bob.

Discussion Topic of the Week: Have you ever used Microsoft Bob? What did you think about it?

You remember Mr. Wizard’s World, right? It was a light science show for kids that aired on Nickelodeon in the 1980s. On one episode, Mr. Wizard took a peek inside the Atari 1200XL with his usual juvenile accompaniment. Here’s a clip.

The real fun begins as Mr. Wizard tries to explain the function of a row of eight chips on the motherboard around 1:40 into the segment. He quickly lapses into apparent nonsense:

You see these eight all here? This is an eight bit computer. You’ve heard of that? OK. Each one of these sends a, uh, byte off to the screen and, uh, each little dot has to have a signal from each one of those.

I probably don’t have to tell you this, but that’s not how the Atari 1200XL works. This is Internet, though, so I’ll explain it. Those eight chips are RAM chips, and their exact quantity in any computer is mostly independent of the CPU’s word size (i.e. 8-bit, 16-bit).

The fact the Atari’s CPU is 8-bit and that it contains eight RAM chips is a coincidence that apparently confused Mr. Wizard. The 1200XL had 64KB of RAM, so those are likely 8KB chips (8KB x 8 chips = 64KB). To make up the same amount of RAM, Atari could have used (for example) four 16KB chips or sixteen 4KB chips.

The rest of his explanation for those eight chips doesn’t make any sense either. But hey, it’s Mr. Wizard! Other than that, he does a pretty good job showcasing the 1200XL in a kid-show context. The joystick-sans-stick demonstration is classic Mr. Wizard fare — he’d always change things around and make you think about an issue in an unexpected way. That was his genius.

I loved Mr. Wizard’s World dearly as a kid. In fact, I learned many basic physics principles from that show. We could really use someone like him again.

P.S. If you like Mr. Wizard as much as I do, watch him on The Late Show with David Letterman in 1982.

Our hero stands alone in a dungeon, screaming profanities at the ceiling.

You might remember our intrepid hero, a loincloth-bedecked body builder, from last year’s VC&G Halloween Costume Ideas. This beefcakey portrayal of Solstice’s main character is as amusing now as it was then, so I figured it deserved its own RSOTW.

The character’s name is actually Shadax, if you’re interested. If you’re not, I don’t blame you. He’s not normally like this, I swear. Shadax wears a modest, body-enveloping robe throughout the entire game. He only gets naked when he’s had too much of the ‘ole Green Fairy.

Discussion Topic of the Week: What’s your favorite NES puzzle game? For bonus points: what’s the most obscure NES puzzle game you can name?

“Is your personal computer TOO personal?”

Facetious 1980s computer manual quote: “Never operate a computer with the monitor sitting directly in front of you. Neck torsion increases muscle tone and blood flow to the brain, resulting in higher computing performance.”

Discussion Topic of the Week: Have you ever been forced to share a PC with someone else? Tell us about it.

Computer shopping in the Fortress of Solitude.

In this ad for the SOROC IQ 120 and IQ 140 terminals, we see a woman who clearly wants to interface with something — but what? Very few peripherals understand the cryptic FAJI/NA protocol (Female Anatomical Jiggy Interface / Network Access). Even with the proper connector and hardware handshaking, those few who succeed in uploading might end up with a virus.

Oh, I get it…they’re talking about the terminals. Nothing to see here. Move along. Move along.

Discussion Topic of the Week: Have you ever regularly used a text-based terminal to get serious work done? Tell us about it.

The Euro-American family in its native habitat.

Just in time for Thanksgiving — and the ritual practice of family togetherness — comes this wonderful vintage photo from the back of the NES Action Set box. In it, we see a four-person white American nuclear family utterly consumed by a game of Super Mario Bros.

This scene looks nice at first glance, but imagine having to play through a whole game with mom and dad hanging off of your shoulders.

“Hey son.”

(Father gets in close, whispering into son’s ear.)

“Want to play some Super Mario Brothers?”

“I’m already playing, Dad.”

(Father squeezes son’s shoulder tighter.)

“My uncle’s name is Mario.”

Luckily, the scenario I’ve concocted above appears nowhere on the box. Still, a few amusing things about this photo jump out at me:

• Mario is gleefully flying to his death.
• The family apparently owns two copies of Super Mario Bros. because one is on the table, and they’re playing one in the NES.
• The two kids are both playing a one player game at the same time. Or maybe the older brother (player 1) on the right is screwing up the little brother’s game by hitting pause at random intervals.
• The mother and the son on the right aren’t looking at the TV set. Actually, I don’t think any of them are.

I’ve included an extra-large scan this time (when you click on the image), so you might be able to turn it into a desktop background.

For more vintage family madness, check out my latest slideshow on Technologizer.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Discussion Topic of the Week: Have you ever played a video game with your entire immediate family rapturously engaged in the action on screen?

Amongst all the heady VC&G anniversary festivities (I’ve been to five parties this week alone*), I almost forgot to tell you about a new VC&G-related article that popped up last week on Technologizer. It’s by a guy named Benj Edwards, which probably explains why I’m writing about it here.

For my latest Technologizer article, Classic PCs vs. New PCs, I selected six vintage personal computers from yesteryear and figured out what you could buy today for the same price. And we’re not talking original retail price here; I took inflation into account.

For example, the Commodore 64 — once considered a low-cost home computer — originally sold for the equivalent of $1,331.62 in 2009 dollars. Today you can get quite a bit for that much money. How much? That’s what we’re going to find out.

* Five all-nude FORTRAN coding jamborees, invitational

Yep, it’s that time of year again: time for VC&G‘s famous Video Game Halloween Costume Ideas — 2009 edition.

This article series is almost an institution now, as we enter our fourth year of providing last-minute costume suggestions to desperate video game nerds everywhere. Each of these costumes is guaranteed to get you candy, or your money back. After you’re done reading, feel free to post your own costume suggestions in the comments below.

[ Continue reading VC&G’s Halloween Video Game Costume Ideas (2009) » ]